Crap Crap and More Crap

Issabella Rosselini Still Creeps Me Out

2010-08-30T22:28:00.001-05:00

Issabella Rosselini Kinda Creeps Me Out

2010-08-30T22:26:00.001-05:00

I'm Back

2010-07-15T12:36:00.002-05:00

Even though probably nobody care, I'm back. Time to get this shit going again.

More Mud Wrestling

2010-02-08T16:42:00.001-06:00

So What if I'm Drunk!!

2010-01-30T23:06:00.004-06:00

Okay, maybe I'm not drunk yet, but I know I will be later. In the meantime, I'm gonna post whatever strange and sick shit I see on the internet tonight. Soon I'll be smoking a blunt with my friend Gia, and my post will probably get much worse.

Until then, look at this nasty shit.

Mud Wrestling for the people

2010-01-28T23:16:00.003-06:00

So this past Saturday I found myself at the Viaduct Theatre watching a bunch of chicks mud wrestle. I knew a few of them already, but after that night, now I know them all. The Chicago Mud Queens kick ass.
Next up is a trip to the roller derby to see The Wreckin' Rollers.

A Night at White Castle

2010-01-25T03:06:00.001-06:00

Who Doesn't Love a Trainwreck

2009-12-05T13:25:00.002-06:00

So for the last couple of months or so, Heavy.com has been listing the "Top 100 Celebrity Trainwrecks".

So far they've made it to #79, and they've been pretty spot on with the choices. I was suprised to see Glenn Beck on the list, because I never considered that right wing douche to be a celebrity. Not that I'm a big left winger, Glenn Beck is just an asshole. But anyway...

Check out the Trainwreck 100
The Worlds Most Worthless Celebrities.

FBF Goes For One More

2009-12-04T23:29:00.002-06:00

Petra Todd
Brought to you by Celeb Punani.com

Funbag Friday Ain't Over Yet Folks

2009-12-04T23:18:00.001-06:00

Stripfilmke van de dag
Enjoy.

Lil' Wayne's A Fuckin' Idiot

2009-12-04T23:08:00.003-06:00

So this so called "rapper" is telling the story of when he was "raped" when he was 11. This is some dumb ass shit, I'm not sure why I posted it.

Cartman Sing Lady Gaga Pokerface

2009-12-04T19:39:00.000-06:00

Fun Bag Friday Part 2

2009-12-04T17:28:00.003-06:00

It's none other than Ice T's wife Nicole "CoCo" Austin.
She's here nude in Playboy in all of her photoshopped glory. Don't get me wrong...I'd still hit it. :-)

Hookers Hookers Hookers

2009-12-04T16:59:00.003-06:00

When the Google car rolls by, it see's what it see's. So the fellas at Deaddog.com put together a nice little gallery of roadside hookers from across the globe. Who doesn't love drive up scootch.
Hookers 'Round The World

Pepsi Fire and Ice!?!? WTF!?

2009-12-04T16:14:00.002-06:00

So over the years Pepsi has apparently released a number of product that just didn't take off. Some seem to be regional "delights", while others I've seen in store here in the Midwest.

Here's the rest of the gallery for your viewing pleasure.

It's Funbag Friday

2009-12-04T13:36:00.003-06:00

I usually keep it clean, but today I dedicate my post to one of my favorite things... BOOBS!

You want big? I got big right here.
Or would you prefer to sit in on a meeting of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee?

Now that that's out of the way.....

Carmen Electra
Still lookin' good.

Pam Anderson
Had to toss this gallery in for old times sake.

Alley Bagget(Official website)
Unofficial Website(The Good Shit)
She's not quite a celeb, but another one of my favorites.

Serena Williams
For whatever it's worth.

More to come throughout the day...

"Where are my fucking mushrooms!"

2009-11-10T15:34:00.001-06:00

A Little Tribute to Bacon

2009-11-09T15:24:00.002-06:00

I'm not sure when it all started, but my love of bacon goes back a far as I can remember. When I was a kid, my grandmothers first cousin, William (We called him Buddy), used to come by every month after he got paid. He would come to visit and to drop off a few dollars to get "Gangbusters", some bacon.(Gangbusters was what he used to call me. Still don't know why.)

So anyways...here's some bacony stuff. (No "bacony" is not a word.)

Yes....That's right....Bacon flavored vodka. I gotta git me summa that.

Hot Links

2009-11-03T16:24:00.003-06:00

Geekiest Scooter Ever!
At least you're less likely to crash this bike.
Rejected Mortal Kombat Fatalities
Episode 1
Are You A Fatass?
This could be why.
iPhone Woman, Stay Away From Me.
The Blacker the Blackberry...blah blah blah
Teeth
Not Jaws...Teeth.
Monorail Cat
Why not?
Dive Bar Bingo
I need to play a round.
Yakety Sax
Just for the Hell of it.

2009-10-19T14:56:00.001-05:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Serbian Pimp My Ride

2009-10-19T14:13:00.002-05:00

I'm sure one of those guys is Serbia's answer to Xzibit.

Hot Stuff in the Subway

2009-10-15T15:34:00.001-05:00

Hot Stuff
Uploaded by dtmcshakes. - The place where I upload my shit.

Think Pink

2009-10-02T14:34:00.002-05:00

October is here, and so is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Almost everybody knows someone who has been affected by breast cancer, and we all know how much they love to hunt. Now breast cancer isn't a funny issue, but when I see a DMPS Panther Lite Special Edition 5.56 Rifle in Pink, I have to chuckle a bit.
So here is a list of 15 product's made nice and pink for the cause.
15 Strangest Breast Cancer Awareness Products

Snoop Dogg as Roy Black

2009-10-02T14:01:00.006-05:00

I ran across this video on a Dutch website called Attuworld.
It's a mobile phone commercial featuring Snoop Dogg singing and imitating German schlager singer Roy Black.

Testify my brother, Testify!

2009-10-02T00:14:00.000-05:00

McDonalds is everywhere

2009-09-30T15:13:00.000-05:00

McDonalds is everywhere

Haven't Been Here In A While

2009-09-21T22:59:00.000-05:00

I got a lot of catching up to do.

My Favorite SNL Commercial Parodies

2009-07-15T01:52:00.002-05:00

Over the years Saturday Night Live has made fun of many commercials, and made many fake ones too. This is a sampling of some of the best ones I've seen.

I also found an archive of every commercial SNL has ever done
snl.jt.org/comm

Let's kick it off with "Colon Blow"

What about the robots? I don't know why scientist make them?

A Tracy Morgan classic.

When they show Doug at the end, it's funny as hell.

This is an old old classic. One of the best.

And now Eddie Murphy back when he was funny.

Why Is Hitler So Funny To Me?

2009-07-06T19:42:00.003-05:00

Hitler On Micheal Jackson

Hitler and T.O.

Hitler Loved Brett Favre

Hitler Finds Out What,s Up

And Finally,
Hitler Learns of the Subtitles

Hot Links

2009-06-18T00:50:00.002-05:00

Sharp Ass Knife
I just like knives okay.
When Tattoos Go Wrong
Hey you, with the stars in your eyes.
Obama's A Fucking Ninja
Ninja I tell you.
Stuffed Crust
Why Pizza?
The Top 10 Videos that Put Hair on Our Palms
Wanker!
IT'S BACON!
Who doesn't love the stuff?
Treadmill Fail
The slow-mo makes it all worth while.
Apple's Not Playing Games
I better destroy my iBomb

Commercial Parodies Crack Me The Fuck Up

2009-06-16T19:43:00.002-05:00

The Snuggernaut commercial was great, but this one had me laughing my ass off.

Danny DeVito Drunk as Hell

2009-06-11T15:44:00.002-05:00

At 8am Danny DeVito is drunk as a hell giving and ruining an interview on the set of "It Always Sunny in Philly". Even better than the time he was drunk on the view.
Watch It Here

Straight From The Man In Hawaii

2009-06-11T00:16:00.002-05:00

moar funny pictures

I'm Not A Doctor, I Just Play One On U.S. Television

2009-06-07T19:26:00.002-05:00

A Date With A Cop

2009-06-06T01:24:00.000-05:00

RENO 911!

Wednesdays 10:30pm / 9:30c

Date a Cop - Raineesha Williams

comedycentral.com

Joe Lo Truglio

Funny Cop Videos

2009-06-05T21:08:00.001-05:00

Let's Paint Our Twangers

Some Dude Gets His Wife Raped of the Day

2009-06-05T20:53:00.001-05:00

Some Dude Gets His Wife Raped of the Day

Posted using ShareThis

2009-06-05T20:10:00.000-05:00

Tosh.0

Thurs June 4th, 10pm / 9c

Single Ladies Dance Video

I Love The Snuggernaut

2009-05-20T22:47:00.002-05:00

Gordon Ramsay Swears At You

2009-05-20T21:33:00.002-05:00

Click Here
Here's a little verbal abuse from the chef you love to hate.

Nice Muscles!!!

2009-05-20T20:06:00.000-05:00

Giant Cheetos, now this.

2009-05-20T03:46:00.000-05:00

Magic Show Volunteer

2009-05-20T02:33:00.002-05:00

Five Second Films

Hot Links

2009-05-19T20:30:00.003-05:00

Asscracker
Good Old American Fun
Baby's Got To Go
I Need a pair of those
I'm All Outta Love
Soundtrack of a Shattered Life
Satan Loves You
He even writes
Faceball
You Got Balls In Ya Mouth
Flying Away On aWing and A Prayer
Nope...It Doesn't Work

Napples Napples Napples Napples

2009-04-07T02:04:00.001-05:00

Quote Of The Day

2009-03-19T15:59:00.002-05:00

"There are clean Jews, and dirty Jews, and he is a dirty Jew"

-Overheard while out in a bar-

"You always want everybody to do everything for you! You're a lazy motherfucker"

-A mother to her son as they went in a cafe for lunch-

You Gotta Be Shittin' Me!

2009-02-21T17:41:00.002-06:00

I Love Bacon

2009-02-11T15:44:00.003-06:00

Quote Of The Day

2009-02-07T00:23:00.002-06:00

"Cars don`t operate under water, duct-tape a submarine and see what happens"
-Harold M.-

Banned From K-Mart

2009-01-14T18:56:00.002-06:00

Banned_From_K-Mart
Originally uploaded by D.T. McShakes

I ran across this letter on some site somewhere. I think it was Ernie's House of Whoop Ass. It looks more like a list of good ideas to me.

What's All This Then!?

2008-12-11T23:49:00.002-06:00

I've always been a fan of British TV. It goes back to when I was a kid and I used to watch Dr. Who on PBS with my Grandmother late nights on Sunday. That soon caused me to watch Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Two Ronnies, Dave Allen At Large, and last but not least, The Young Ones.
It once aired on MTV here in the US for a few years. But now I've finally found someplace online to view a few full episodes.
The show was a bit off the wall, but funny as hell. It's the fuckin' dog's bollocks mate!
Take a look at a few episodes here and see how you like it.
The Young Ones
If you don't like it, you're probably a wanker.

Some Stuff For The Holidays

2008-12-10T21:02:00.002-06:00

Christmas Boner
Charlie Brown got one
What's In The Box?
My Dick!
Band-Aid
Boy George and George Micheal. What a pair. :-)
Poor Grandma
As for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Missing
Always the last place you look.
Stick 'em up

Pablo. The Coke Smuggling Dog

2008-12-10T20:09:00.001-06:00

Jones Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage

2008-12-10T05:07:00.000-06:00

You Know What This Is

2008-12-09T22:15:00.003-06:00

Chad Hates Aliens
Chad needs to lock his door.

Badass Bike Recovery
This dude has skills.

Satan Is My Friend
And he will destroy you!

Saint's Row In Japan
Those crazy Tojo's and their weird TV ads.

Guillermo For The Holidays
Yo Quiero Pollo

Hot
C'mon baby light my fire

The Juice Is Loose
The bloody glove rocks

Taste Like Chicken
Who want's seconds?

That's Not My Wife
Awkward

$500 Vs $5(NSFW)
It's just too sexy

Governor tried to 'auction' Obama's seat

2008-12-09T21:05:00.002-06:00

And the history of corruption in Illinois politics continues. It was only a matter of time before the Gov got caught.

"Chicago has been rocked by a staggering new corruption scandal after the Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested on Tuesday morning (US time) for trying to sell the right to replace Barack Obama in the US Senate."

The ranks of imprisoned politicians include three former Illinois governors — George Ryan, Dan Walker and Otto Kerner Jr.

Current Mayor Richard Daley's administration has been investigated for corruption. In a federal probe that is ongoing, Robert Sorich, Daley's patronage chief, was convicted in 2006 for rewarding the mayor's political allies with city jobs and promotions. Daley has not been accused of wrongdoing.

His father, the late Mayor Richard J. Daley, built the once-mighty machine that doled out jobs and favors in exchange for support for Democrats on Election Day. He was never charged with criminal wrongdoing, but several of his high-ranking aides were sent to prison for political patronage.

And lets of course not forget when the dead rose and voted for Kennedy back in the 60's.

I love this state. :-)

I Just Like This One

2008-11-12T19:33:00.001-06:00

Hot Links

2008-11-03T14:33:00.002-06:00

Who Loves Smoking?
These kinda ads are why my mother thinks smoking's "healthy"
Spider Junkies
I think I need a hammock
Trippy Game
Even more fun after a little smoke
There's Always Room For Jell-O
Screw the shots. Just Eat a bowl.
Zombiecon
WTF?
This Shit Rocks
Pretty good Pictures

Bear Down

2008-11-02T14:52:00.000-06:00

The Chicago Bears fight song, Bear Down, Chicago Bears, was introduced in 1941. Though Jerry Downs is listed as the composer, it actually is a pseudonym for Al Hoffman (who also wrote the words and music for the song If I Knew You Were Coming I'd Have Baked a Cake).

Hoffman's words for the Bears' fight song:

Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play clear the way to victory;
Bear down, Chicago Bears, put up a fight with a might so fearlessly.
We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation with your T-formation.
Bear down, Chicago Bears, and let them know why you're wearing the crown.
You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears, bear down.

Just thought you should know.

"Fuck You With A Light Bulb!"

2008-10-21T19:37:00.002-05:00

One of the best sports parody skits I've ever seen

Now for some real Ozzie. You tell me, which is better. :-)

And let's rap it up with some vintage Ozzie. (En Espanol)

Hot Links

2008-09-18T17:38:00.005-05:00

CSI...Doggy Style.
I hate everything this stands for!
And I will slap the next asshole that says, "Bro's before hoes."
Who doesn't want to do this?
The Palin Family Reunion
The Googling
This is just plain weird
The Dinobots Crucified Jesus
Think I'll go hunt some bears from a helicopter now.
You Gotta Be Shittin' Me!
Smack My Bitch Up
The names Bond...Smack You in the kisser, Bond.
Exploding Banana Mask
Yep...It was the weirdest thing I saw today.
Fresh Pepper?
Impress Your Foreign Friends.
And insult them too.

Quote Of The Day

2008-09-18T17:38:00.004-05:00

"I need to just stay home. I'm full of cheap beer and bad ideas"
-P. Steele-

Kick That Monsters Ass

2008-08-21T17:28:00.001-05:00

Dave Chapelle in London

2008-08-09T17:51:00.001-05:00

Pictured: The moment a man punched a girl off her feet during a Facebook water fight

2008-08-09T14:58:00.003-05:00

This is the moment a girl was punched off her feet during a water fight in a park in which nine people were arrested.

Nine people were arrested for assaulting police and affray at the event, which attracted 250 youngsters to Kensington Gardens, close to Princess Diana's former home.

It was intended as a fun way to cool down in the blistering heat, but tempers flared after the girl doused a young man with a fizzy drink.

After covering his T-shirt with the red liquid she ran away laughing, but her victim failed to see the funny side.

He chased her and punched her in the face, knocking her off her feet and leaving her helpless on the ground.

By Daily Mail Reporter
Full Story

You gotta check out the other pictures from this article.

So Long Bernie Mac

2008-08-09T13:39:00.004-05:00

One of Chicago's best, and one of my favorite comedians died this morning.
Bernie Mac. I always loved how he advocated smacking kids when they get out of line. He's really gonna be missed in this town. We treat our local celebrities here like gods and superheros. Look at R.Kelly, he's a fuckin' pedophile and we still love him. Mr. Mac was actually a good guy. He'll be missed.
Here's some clip's for a good laugh.
Bernie Mac on Def Comedy Jam
Mac on Work and Kids
Bernies First Time On Def Comedy Jam

2008-08-07T18:04:00.002-05:00

It just doesn't look right. Brett Favre in a New York Jets uniform.
Check Him Out

Disney's Children - Education For Death

2008-08-07T12:28:00.001-05:00

Pee Wee's Drug House

2008-08-06T14:09:00.001-05:00

Hot Links

2008-08-03T18:26:00.003-05:00

Clean and Jerk and Wipe
Check out clip #3
Seems Like Yesterday
You can't spell Cuban without Cub
Camel Tow
Oh yeah baby. It's a big Camel tow.
Let's Learn English
I wanna be Toshi
Wheel of Misfortune
I kinda feel sorry for the guy
Take It For The Team
Might not be the first time the whole team ran thru her
Rachel Dawes? No
The Joker? Yes
My Goodness, My Guinness
Makes me want a beer. NOW!

Think You Know Football.

2008-08-02T20:29:00.001-05:00

Phantom Diner

2008-08-01T14:51:00.003-05:00

ROCHESTER, NY—Reported sightings of Rochester's legendary "phantom diner," a mysterious restaurant that purportedly appears only to those in the most inebriated state of their lives, are often met with skepticism and incredulity. But for Leo Kline, 24, who claims he visited the diner this past weekend, the apparitional eatery is all too real.
Full Story at the Onion

Best Fight Seen........EVER!!!

2008-07-31T18:26:00.001-05:00

I don't know if it's the dude with no legs, the dubbing in German, or the obvious stunt double change with the chick, but it all makes it worth watching.
YEEEEHAAAWWW!!!

Murderface Is The Shit

2008-07-31T17:56:00.000-05:00

Bert and Ernie go Gangsta

2008-07-30T03:22:00.001-05:00

Lego of my Izzard

2008-07-29T13:50:00.003-05:00

Eddie Izzard is funny as hell. That's all there is to it. Check out these clips of some of his stand up. All done with Lego's.

Death Star Cafeteria
Do You Have a Flag
Cake or Death
British -VS- American Movies
Gun's Help

Take a look at my favorites on YouTube to see the rest.

Hot Links

2008-07-28T17:00:00.004-05:00

Garfield Minus Garfield
It's almost funnier this way
This Explains A Lot
They called in "Detention" in school
Superhero Brawl
"The police are on their way Batman!"
WWF
Panda's are badasses
Coolest Urinal Ever!
Now I know what happened to the Magikist sign. (Sorry it's a Chicago thing)
Wal-Mart Intercom Prank
I'm headed to Wal-Mart right now.
Yes. This Place is Real
My brother would love this
Dog gone shame
This has gotta be a joke.

It's House.

2008-07-07T14:45:00.000-05:00

You Can't Stop The House
Video sent by dtmcshakes

My brother and April at the "Attic" house picnic.

Why? All I Wanna Know is Why?

2008-07-07T14:06:00.004-05:00

So Have you seen all the articles about the pregnant man lately? Yep, I said pregnant man. Well, It looks like the dude that used to look like a lady has given birth to a baby girl. Talk about a kid who's gonna grow up confused. "Whats that mommy? Daddy gave birth to me."
I think we're getting a little ahead of ourselves now. We should have at least made a dog give birth to a cat.
Full Story

Arnold At His Best

2008-07-07T14:02:00.000-05:00

More videos from the "Contagious" channel at Heavy.com

A Touch Of Gray, Kinda Suits You Anyway.

2008-07-07T06:05:00.004-05:00

I shaved my head bald on the morning of July 4th. The hair is just now really starting to grow back in. I looked in the mirror this morning and saw about twice a many gray hairs on my head than I had before I cut it. It's almost like over the past 2 days I aged 5 years. If stress really causes gray hair, then I need to relax.

SO!

2008-07-05T18:23:00.001-05:00

Yeah, I'm lazy. Maybe I'll update tonight.

CSI:Miami Horatio's Greatest Hits

2008-06-02T17:55:00.003-05:00

I had never really noticed the weird way that David Caruso delivered his lines. It's somewhat of a William Shatner kinda pause style that he uses. Just check out the clip and hit the link for the little cartoons spoofing it.

Yeaaaaaaaah!!!

Beer Can Launcher Explosion

2008-05-21T15:44:00.001-05:00

Is that Charles Bronson?

Hot Links

2008-05-17T01:16:00.003-05:00

What The Fuck!?
Uuuuuhhh, okay.
Class Coming Out Of Her Ass
But what's going in it?
Bible History
What about a pillar of oregano.
Get Directions To Some Whores
Oakland is the shit.
Get Some Skully
Best Bong Ever!
Makin' Bacon
What can I say, I love bacon and boobs.

What's In A Name?

2008-05-16T23:32:00.000-05:00

Hot Links

2008-05-15T18:42:00.002-05:00

Attack Of The Space Nazis
Iron Sky. I gotta see this movie or whatever it is.
Bjork Stalker Suicide Video
I think the most disturbing part of this is the painted nipples.
Law Enforcement
Sungtines we get hungry.
Uno-Cycle
I'd end up killing myself on this thing.
Shut Your Fuckin' Mouth!!!
Just scroll thru the pix
The Lions Best Tackler
Check his moves out at the 1:10 mark
Glass door Vs. Woman
This is a riot.

Welcome To The House Of Cosby

2008-05-15T01:11:00.008-05:00

I saw episode #1 about 3 years ago, and now I finally found the rest of the series.

The House Of Cosby's

Curiosity Cosby is the shit. :-)
Episode #1

Cosbyette Is Here
Episode #2

Cosby #100 is Cloned and Cosbyette is Pregnant?!
Episode #3

Assholivore's, Alien TV, and More Cosby
Episode #4

"..cease and desist.."
Episode #5

Blooper Reel

C'mon, Just Say It......It's 'cause he's black.

2008-05-14T22:14:00.003-05:00

I love this video. Just listen to all the half-assed reasons people give for not supporting O'bama. I'd at least have a drop of respect for them if they would just go ahead and tell the truth. Everyone wants to be racist, but nobody want to be a racist. I think they believe that if they don't say right out that they won't vote for him because he's black, then that makes everything okay.

BTW...Where did that chick get the Muslim thing from. Did she just miss the whole REVEREND Wright incident. You know, O'bama's minister.

I'm Scared Of The Other Race

Hot Links

2008-05-14T01:36:00.002-05:00

I really don't know what this is.
I just had to watch it twice though.
The Fabulous Life
Tony Starks
Santa's Off Day
He's a stud
Helluva Name
His real name is Bruce Kent
N-Word
This S-word rock's A-Word
She Must Be High
Wanna Wrestle?
"It's real to me"
What the hell!?
Weirdest jersey ever
Only Taco's
Sorry Sir, We're Out of Taco's
Baby on Board
No..Really

Fetal Scooby-Doo

2008-05-14T00:18:00.002-05:00

This thing turns out to be a commercial for TV Funhouse, but the cartoon is funny as hell.

AtomFilms.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central

Classic John Rocker

2008-04-03T17:54:00.002-05:00

Quote Of The Day

2008-04-03T17:22:00.002-05:00

"Uuuuggh!!! You pee out that hole!"

-Anonymous-
(Part of a conversation I overheard while standing outside U.I.C's dorm)

Gone But Not Forgotten

2008-02-05T02:31:00.000-06:00

So I'm looking around the web today, you know, looking for the inane, insane, asinine, and porn of course, and I stumble upon this shit.
Back in the day before the world became so "politically correct", ad agencies and most people in general just said anything they wanted. To hell if it was a stereotype, offensive, or just a plain old bad idea, anything went back then.
And the kicker was that it sold products.
I present these two commercial for your entertainment.

First let's take a look at the "poor Chinese baby", with his "glape", Jello.

Now let's watch Fred and Barney be schills for Winston.

Now I'll step down off my soapbox and get back to my Jameson.

A Tribute To Yo Mama

2008-02-04T21:44:00.000-06:00

Sungtines you just have to sit down and figure out how many Yo Mama jokes you can think of in 5 minutes. Here's my list:

Yo mama's so old, I told her to act her age and the bitch died.

Yo mama's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

Yo mama's so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.

Yo mama's so old, her memory is in black and white.

Yo mama's so old, her social security number is 1.

Yo mama's so old, her birth-certificate expired.

Yo mama's so old, she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.

Yo mama's so old, she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.

Yo mama's so old, she's got Jesus' beeper number.

Yo mama's so old, when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama's so old, when she reads the bible she reminisces.

Yo mama's so old, when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

Yo mama's so old, she called the cops when David and Goliath started to fight.

Now let's go with how fat she is....

Yo mama's so fat, when she ran away, they had to put her picture on the milk truck.

Yo mama's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

Yo mama's so fat, when she dances at a club, she makes the band skip.

Yo mama's so fat, on Halloween she trick or treats two houses at a time.

Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.

Yo mama's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Yo mama's so fat, she fills up the bath tub, and then she turns on the water.

Yo mama's so fat, they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.

Yo mama's so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.

Thanks for your time, and tell your moms I said hi.

Carl Let's Us Know How He Feels

2008-02-04T18:28:00.000-06:00

How!?! What!?!?

2008-02-04T15:44:00.000-06:00

19 and No! (Pat's Suck)

2008-02-03T23:06:00.000-06:00

Boston police today reported finding a body in the Charles River.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive alcohol consumption.

He was described as wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink wig, a strap-on dildo, a Patriot's jersey, and had a cucumber stuffed up his ass.

The police graciously removed the Patriot's jersey to spare the family unnecessary embarrassment.

Quote Of The Day

2008-02-03T15:24:00.000-06:00

"They were gonna have the burlesque show yesterday, but apparently whores don't like snow"

-Josh H.-

Breaking News About Don Cheadle

2008-01-06T01:49:00.000-06:00

International Scandal: Don Cheadle Planned Darfur Genocide To Create Film Role
I knew he was up to something. I bet Wesley Snipes is in on it too.