Friday, January 27

Chuck Norris Favorites

Here's a few Chuck Norris facts I just got from a friend on MySpace.

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.

Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.

Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.

When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.

More Chuck


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