You've Heard It All Before

1. "Peoples' Choice Award" is America's greatest honor.
2. Styrofoam is made from kittens.
3. The U.F.O. was a paper plate.
4. The nerds on the internet are not geeks.
5. The word "cheese" is not funny in and of itself.
6. The older Flanders boy is Todd, not Rod.
7. Lyndon Johnson provided the voice of Yosemite Sam.
8. If you are reading this you have no life.
9. Roy Rogers is buried inside his horse.
10. The other U.F.O. was an upside-down salad spinner.
11. Our universities are not "hotbeds" of anything.
12. Mr. Dershowitz did not literally have four eyes.
13. Our readers are not pathetic, sexless food tubes.
14. Audrey Hepburn once weighed 400 pounds.
15. The "Cheers" (1982) gang is a real gang.
16. Salt water will "chase the thirsties away".
17. Licking an electrical outlet will not turn you into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger.
18. Cats eventually turn into dogs.
19. Bullets bounce off of fat guys.
20. Recycling depletes the ozone.
21. Everything is 10% fruit juice.
22. The flesh-eating virus often hides in ice cream.
23. Janet Reno is evil.
24. V8 juice is 1/8 gasoline.
25. Ted Koppel is a robot.
26. Women aren't from Venus, and men aren't from Mars.
27. Fleiss does floss.
28. Quayle is familiar with common bathroom procedure.
29. James is hardcore.
30. Godfry Jones' wife is cheating on him. (note: Jones was the host of "Rock Bottom")
31. The Beatles haven't reunited to enter kick boxing contests.
32. The "Bug" on your TV screen can see into your home.
33. Everyone on TV is better than you.